Posted by Marc Shevick on November 14, 2005 at 09:57:22:
Customer: I can’t complete the installation of this program I just
bought. Tech support: What does the screen say?
Customer: Press any key to continue, that's were I am stuck. Tech
support: Then press any key.
Customer: That's my problem, my keyboard the one you bastards sold me
with this system dose not have a "any" key on the keyboard. Tech
support: Silence..................
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Customer: My foot peddle don't work, makes a lot of noise when I step on
it. Tech support: You have a game that uses a foot peddle then?
Customer: I don't have any games, this came with the system I just
purchased. Tech support: What does it look like?
Customer: It has two buttons and on the bottom of it has a little ball.
Tech support: That's a mouse your stepping on.
Customer: Oh my god, (customer begins yelling) Henry he says that noise
is from mice, call the exterminator.
Customer: If these mice came from your packaging from this computer I
will sue your ass big time. Tech support: I am sure you will.
==============
Customer: I'm trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it
just doesn't work. What am I doing wrong? Tech support: OK, you've got
the CD in the CD drive, right?
Customer: Yeah....
Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using?
Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven't got a computer. It's in the CD
player and all I get is weird noises. Listen..... Tech support:
Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!
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Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one...
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Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No .. w! ait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's
still on my desk... sorry....
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Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
==============
Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill
Gates, damn it!
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Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time
I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and
placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't
find it...
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Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.
==============
Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
==============
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there
another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work
==============
Tech support: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital
letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
==============
Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
==============
Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
==============
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on
my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
==============
Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get
the circle around it?
==============
A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her
printer. Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point.
The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his
printer is working fine."
==============
Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the
same time. That br